MEMBERSHIP STATUS
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AIRLINE RULES
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PASSENGERS:
If you will kindly observe the following rules, it will be a hell of a lot easier and more comfortable for the
crew --- after all, whose airplane is this, anyway?
Shut up, and keep your goddam feet off the seats.
Don't get snotty with the crew – just remember that the pilot can, if he chooses to, land so hard
it'll shake your fillings loose, and the stew can spit in your food.
If a fellow passenger gets anxious, just knock him in the head with an empty scotch bottle.
Eyes forward at all times.
Didn't I tell you to keep your goddam feet off the seats?
Don't ask the crew embarrassing questions like:
Where are we?
What time will we land?
How fast are we going?
Who made that landing?
How high up are we? ------ Hell, the crew doesn't know, nor do they care.
If you don't like the food, to hell with you. The crew will eat it, because it's free.
Only six people allowed in the blueroom (head) at a time. This rule will be enforced.
I'm going to make you sorry if you don't keep your goddam feet off the seats.
Be thankful if you arrive anywhere.
Always let the crew off the plane first....after all, the damn thing might be on fire.
Don't bother the stewardesses – they're not your mother or your maid. If you want something, go get it yourself.
Here come two stews with an electric cattle prod ....now get your goddam feet off those seats!
If an engine falls off during the flight, don't bother the crew about it. They're in the blueroom (head).
If you have the nerve to throw up while on this plane, you'll clean up your own mess.
The first kid that starts crying will go outside to play.
What, were you born in a barn? Keep your goddam feet off the seats!
The crew has no control over the temperature. If you get too hot, remove some clothes. If you get too cold, put someone else's clothes on. Just don't bother the crew.
If your flight is over a body of water, do not ask the crew to name it .......water is water to them. And each crew member has their own personal life raft.
Don't even think of getting smart with the stews; they have the keys to the luggage compartment, and they're not afraid to use them.
ARE YOU DEAF? GET YOUR GODDAM FEET OFF THE SEATS!
Contributed by Braniff Flight
Attendant Viki Kashé |
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