MEMBERSHIP STATUS
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FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND PILOT HUMOR
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Q: What do you cal1 20 Flight Attendants in a basement?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What is the difference between a F/A and a jet engine?
A: The engine stops whining at the gate.
Q: Why does it take a F/A 5 minutes to open a carton of orange juice?
A: The carton says "CONCENTRATE."
Q: What does a retired F/A do when she is nostalgic for her job?
A: She stands in front of the bathroom sink and eats.
Q: How do you get a F/A into your hotel room?
A: Make a sound like an ice machine.
Q: What's the difference between a good F/A and a bad F/A ?
A: The good F/A says, "Morning, Captain", and the bad F/A says, "It's morning Captain!"
Q: What do a F/A and dog doo have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q: What's the difference between an airbag and a windbag?
A: Seniority.
Q: What separates a F/A or pilot from the lowest form of life?
A: The cockpit door.
Q: How can you identify a flight crew eating in a restaurant?
A: The F/A's eat standing up and the pilots leave their trays on the floor.
Q: What are the 4 types of orgasms a F/A can have?
A: GOOD: "Oh, yes! yes!" BAD: "Oh no! no!" HOLY: "Oh my god!" FAKE: "Oh, Captain!"
Q: Why did the pilot die shortly after retirement?
A: His wife didn't know to feed him every 2 hours.
Q: What does a captain use for birth control?
A: Personality.
Q: What if that doesn't work?
A: Layover clothes.
Q: Did you hear about the captain who took his wife out for dinner and a movie?
A: They got on the non-stop to L.A.
Q: Why was the Ohare employee cafeteria closed last week?
A: A captain rented it for his daughter's wedding reception.
Q: Why don't pilots vacation with their families?
A: It's too difficult to get the jumpseat.
Q: How was the Grand Canyon formed?
A: A pilot dropped a quarter.
Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two pilots found a penny at the same time.
Q: What do you call a crew of pilots tipping the hotel van driver?
A: The March of dimes.
Q: What do pilots yell at football games?
A: "Get the quarter back!"
Q: How can you tell a pilot on a layover from a homeless person?
A: The homeless person is the one buying a newspaper.
Q: What's the difference between a pilot and God?
A: God doesn't think he's a pilot.
Q: What's the difference between Jeffery Dahmer and a pilot?
A: Dahmer didn't eat every leg.
Q: What's the difference between a duck and a Flight Engineer?
A: The duck can fly.
Q: How do you get a F/A into the cockpit?
A: Grease her hips and put a Twinkie on the dash.
Q: How do you get a pilot out of the cockpit?
A: Tell him a USA Today was left in First Class.
Q: How do you get a F/A into the aisle?
A: Drag a Twinkie on a string.
Q: What's the difference between a XXX based F/A and a pit bill?
A: Lipstick.
Q: What's the difference between a XXX based F/A and a whale?
A: 20 pounds and a navy suit.
Q: What do call a crew of XXX based F/A 's in a sauna?
A: Gorillas in the mist.
Q: What do you call a crew of XXX based F/A's in a pool?
A: Sea World.
Q: Why do XXX based F/A's like to use the cart?
A: It doubles as a walker.
Q: What does a XXX based F/A use for birth control?
A: Nudity.
Q: Why did they stop the roll-out of the new F/A uniforms?
A: They started in XXX and ran out of material.
Author Unknown
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