MEMBERSHIP STATUS
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RULES of the AIR:
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The strength of the turbulence is directly proportional to the temperature of
your coffee. --- Gunter's Second Law of Air Travel
The three worst things to hear in the cockpit: The second officer says, "Damn
it!" The first officer says, "I have an idea!" The captain says, "Hey, watch
this!"
"In the Alaska bush I'd rather have a two hour bladder and three hours of gas
than vice versa." --- Kurt Wien
Lady, you want me to answer you if this old airplane is safe to fly? Just how in
the world do you think it got to be this old?
"Both optimists and pessimists contribute to the society. The optimist invents
the aeroplane, the pessimist the parachute." --- George Bernard Shaw
"The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed
entirely of lost airline luggage." --- Mark Russell
When asked why he was referred to as 'Ace: "Because during World War Two, I was
responsible for the destruction of six aircraft, fortunately three were enemy."
--- Captain Ray Lancaster, USAAF
If helicopters are so safe, how come there are no vintage/classic helicopter
fly-ins? --- Anonymous
Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed. --- Anonymous
"I never liked riding in helicopters because there's a fair probability the
bottom part will get going around as fast as the top part." --- Lt. Co= l. John
Wittenborn, USAFR
"When it comes to testing new aircraft or determining maximum performance,
pilots like to talk about "pushing the envelope." They're talking about a two
dimensional model: the bottom is zero altitude, the ground; the left is zero
speed; the top is max altitude; and the right, maximum velocity, of course. So,
the pilots are pushing that upper-right-hand corner of the envelope. What
everybody tries not to dwell on is that that's where the postage gets canceled,
too." --- Admiral Rick Hunter, U.S. Navy.
"It only takes five years to go from rumor to standard operating procedure." ---
Dick Markgraf
"Real planes use only a single stick to fly. This is why bulldozers and
helicopters -- in that order -- need two." --- Paul Slattery
"I've flown every seat on this airplane, can someone tell me why the other two
are always occupied by idiots?" --- Don Taylor
As a new copilot on an airliner, I was told to say these three things and to
otherwise keep my mouth shut and not touch anything:
1. Clear on the right
2. Outer (marker) on the double (indicator)
3. I'll eat the chicken (Crew meals consisted of one steak and one chicken to
avoid possible food poisoning of the cockpit crew).
As an aviator in flight you can do anything you want... As long as it's right...
And we'll let you know if it's right after you get down.
You can't fly forever without getting killed.
As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will:
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight
in an airplane.
b. One day you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it is your last
flight in an airplane..
Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely guarantee
abnormal engine noises and vibrations.
There are Rules and there are Laws. The rules are made by men who think that
they know better how to fly your airplane than you. Laws (of Physics) were made
by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should suspend the rules, but you can never suspend the Laws.
More about Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the
talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., If you
fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)
The pilot is the highest form of life on earth.
The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.
About check rides:
a. The only real objective of a check ride is to complete it and get the bastard
out of your airplane.
b. It has never occurred to any flight examiner that the examinee couldn't care
less what the examiner's opinion of his flying ability really is.
The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.
The job of the Wing Commander is to worry incessantly that his career depends
solely on the abilities of his aviators to fly their airplanes without mishap
and that their only minuscule contribution to the effort is to bet their lives
on it.
Ever notice the only experts who decree the age of the pilot is over are people
who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings
the pilot's day is over I know of no expert who has volunteered to be a
passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.
It is absolutely imperative the pilot be unpredictable. Rebelliousness is very
predictable. In the end, conforming almost all the time is the best way to be
unpredictable. He who demands everything his aircraft can give him is a pilot;
he that demands one iota more is a fool.
If you're gonna fly low, do not fly slow! ASW (Anti-Submarine Warfare) pilots
know this only too well.
It is solely the pilot's responsibility to never let any other thing touch his
aircraft.
If you can learn how to fly as an Ensign or a Second Lieutenant, and not forget
how to fly by the time you're a Commander or Colonel, you will have lived a
happy life.
Night flying:
a. Remember that the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.
b. On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the tanker's lights.
c. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.
d. If you're going to night fly, it might as well be in the weather so you can
double count your exposure to both hazards.
e. Night formation is really an endless series of near misses in equilibrium
with each other.
f. You would have to pay a lot of money at a lot of amusement parks and perhaps
add a few drugs, to get the same blend of psychedelic sensations as a single
engine night weather flight.
One of the most important skills a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore
those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's attention.
At the end of the day, the controllers, operations supervisors, maintenance
guys, weather guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job
is to not let them!
The concept of "controlling" airspace with radar is just a form of FAA sarcasm
directed at pilots to see if they're gullible enough to swallow it. Or to put it
another way, when's the last time the FAA ever shot anyone down?
Remember the radio is only an electronic suggestion for the pilot. Sometimes the
only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.
It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the preeminence of flying in the
hierarchy of the human spirit, that those who seek to control aviators via
threats always threaten to take one's wings and not one's life.
Remember when flying low and inverted that the rudder still works the same old
way but hopefully your instructor pilot never taught you "pull stick back, plane
go up".
Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the Operations Manual is one of the best
forms of aviation life insurance you can get.
A tactic done twice is a procedure. (Refer to unpredictability discussion above)
The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another flight by that
particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no
G-limits. That's the only thing I wish Airbus understood better.-- Tommy
One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the quality of
the social experience.
If a mother has the slightest suspicion that her infant might grow up to be a
pilot, she had better teach him to put things back where he got them.
The ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the dreams of the
countless millions of earthbound ancestors who could only stare skyward... and
wish.
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