MEMBERSHIP STATUS
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THE SCHEDULER THAT STOLE CHRISTMAS
(The FLIGHT Of 1127)
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TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS. WE ALL BID A TRIP.
TO WORK OVER CHRISTMAS AND BE BACK BEFORE THE END OF IT.
HAD ALL GONE AS PLANNED, WE’ED BE BACK CHRISTMAS DAY.
TO BE WITH OUR FAMILIES AND MEET SANTA'S SLIEGH.
WHEN WE ARRIVED TO DO THE CHECK-IN THING,
WE WERE HANDED THE PHONE BEFORE IT HAD A CHANCE TO RING.
THE VOICE SAID: “CAPTAIN, I’VE GOT SOME NEWS.
YOU AND YOUR CREW ARE ABOUT TO PAY YOUR DUES.”
"INSTEAD OF GETTING BACK ON CHRIS'I'MAS DAY,
IN THE ICY TUNDRA, YOU WILL STAY."
“IN THE LAND OF POLAR BEARS AND LAND ROVERS.
YOU’LL KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER."
“THE RETURN FROM SASKATOON HAS BEEN ERASED,
AND OF YOU AND YOUR CREW, THERE WILL BE NO TRACE.”
“FOR ALL THE WORK RULES THAT WORK FOR YOU,
WE CAN MAKE THEM WORK AGAINST YOU TOO."
I SAID, "WAIT A MINUTE. YOU CANT DO THIS.”
“OH, BUT YES I CAN." SHE SAID: "MERRY CHRISTMAS."
"THE ORDERS" SHE SAID: “HAVE COME FROM ABOVE,”
AND NOT THE HOLY ONE THAT WE ALL LOVE.
"IF YOU WISH TO SPEAK TO HIM, HE’S MUCH WISER.
THATS WHY THEY CALL HIM MY SUPERVISOR.”
I WAS PUT ON HOLD TO HEAR THE COMPANY JINGLE.
AFTER THIRTY MINUTES, MY EAR BEGAN TO TINGLE.
WHEN SUDDENLY MY CALL WENT THROUGH,
AND THE RECORDING EXPLAINED, THAT I WAS A FOOL.
TO SEEK A SUPERVISOR ON CHRISTMAS EVE.
"SORRY." IT SAID. “ITS CHRISTMAS. WE ALL HAD TO LEAVE."
"IF YOU’RE CALLING TO COMPLAIN, YOU’RE OUT OF LUCK.
WE REALLY DON'T CARE WHERE YOU’RE STUCK.”
SO ON CHRISTMAS DAY WHEN THE KIDS SAY: "WHERES DAD?"
AND YOUR WIFE IS LOOKING VERY MAD.
TELL THEM ALL YOU WON'T BE HOME.
OF COURSE TO DO THIS YOU’LL NEED A PHONE.
BECAUSE YOU"LL GET THIS CHANGE FROM THE CHECK-IN. THAT’S THEIR TRICK.
FOR IF THEY TOLD YOU SOONER, YOU’D CALL IN SICK.
MY CHRISTMAS PLANS ARE NOW A FLOP.
AS I WAS ABOUT TO LEAVE MY MESSASE, THE RECORDER STOPPED.
SO LIKE GOOD LITTLE SOLDIERS. WE DID WHAT WE WERE TOLD.
GOT TO SASKATOON. CALLED SKEDS AND WERE PUT ON HOLD.
THE CREW AND I FINALY CONCEEDED. THERE WAS NO HELP IN SIGHT.
A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE IS WHAT WE NEEDED TO HELP US THROUGH THE NIGHT.
THE HOTEL UP HERE IS NICE I HEAR. WHEN AUGUST ROLLS AROUND.
ICE AND SNOW AND RECORD COLD IS ACT'UALLY WHAT WE FOUND.
TO SPEND TWO DAYS IN THIS MESS, WE SURELY COULD HAVE BID FOR LESS.
IT’S SO DAMN COLD, IT’S HARD TO BREATH. MY NOSE AND TOES BEGAN TO FREEZE.
THEY SAY: “OUT THE WINDOW, THE VIEW IS NICE.”
IF YOU SCRAPE THE FROST OFF ONCE OR TWICE.”
THE DESK CLERK SAID. “I’VE GOT SOME NEWS.”
OH NO, IT SOUNDS AGAIN LIKE WE'RE ABOUT TO PAY MORE DUES.
SHE SAID: "YOU KNOW IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE, AND EVERYTHINIG IS CLOSED."
ON THE TWENTY SIXTH THERE WILL BE A REPRIEVE. UNTIL THEN, YOU'RE HOSED."
"THE BARS AND RESTAURANTS ARE ALL SHUT DOWN, THERE'S NOTHING WE CAN DO.
ITS ALL THE SAME WHEREVER. YOU GO. I HOPE YOU MAKE THROUGH.”
“AND BY THE WAY SHE SAID, "THERE'S A PROBLEM WITH THE HEAT.
WHEN IT’S THIRTY SIX BELOW OUTSIDE, THE ROOMS ARE QUITE A TREAT."
THE DESK CLERK STOCKED US UP WITH EXTRA BLANKETS AND A PLUG IN HEATER.
"LEAVE THE TV ON, IT GIVES OFF HEAT, UNTIL YOU BLOW THE CIRCUIT BREAKERS.”
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT BROUGHT SOME FUDGE, IT HELPED TO KEEP US FIT
"YOU NEED TO KEEP YOUR. ENERGY UP.” SHE SAID: "THIS IS LIKE A CAMPING TRIP."
NOW IT IS THE TWENTY SIXTH. AND CHRISTMAS IS BEHIND US.
WE SAW IT ALL ON CNN. THERE'S NO NEED TO REMIND US.
YOU MERELY HAD TO SCRAPE THE FROST TO SEE THE STATION CLEAR.
HOLIDAY PROGRAMMING IS SO NICE, I CAN HARDLY WAIT FOR NEW YEARS.
WHILE HEADING HOME THE ACARS SAYS. "CAPTAIN, I'VE GOT SOME NEWS.
ITS PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO SHOW UP FOR WORK THAT HELP US MAKE THROUGH.”
"IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING HOME FROM HERE?
YOU BETTER THINK AGAIN MY DEAR.”
SHE EXPLAINED TO ME: “THIS TIME YEAR THE DOCTORS ARE QUITE BUSY
TREATING ALL THOSE WHO CALL IN SICK.” THROWS HER IN A TIZZY.
SHE SAID. "YOU'RE GOING OUT AGAIN, SO DON’T UNPACK YOUR STUFF.
JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE A BLOCK HOLDER WITH TEN PLUS HOURS IN THE BANK,
DOESN'T MEAN WE CAN'T GET ROUGH,"
WHAT'S MY PROBLEM? AM I UPSET OR TICKED OFF?
WHY DO I WRITE COMPLAINTS AND SCOFFS?
FOR. OUR DEDICATED EFFORTS WE DESERVE A CITATION.
INSTEAD WHAT THEY TOOK IS OUR VACATIONS.
IS THERE A MORAL TO THIS STORY?
WITH ALL ITS GRIEF AND NO GLORY.
WHEN SCEDULING SAYS: “I'VE GOT SOME NEWS."
YOU’LL NEVER WIN, ONLY LOSE.
HANG UP THE PHONE. RUN OUT THE DOORS.
THIS IS HOW I SPENT MY CHRISTMAS. HOW DID YOU SPEND YOURS?
THE CREW OF 1127
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