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STORIES
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We dont have that much fuel on board
I worked as an ground/air radio operator. Once a flight took off from SFO. He gave me his time off at 0105. He read the clock wrong and it should have been 1305. I said: I'll move that time ahead 12 hours. Better not, he answered, We dont have that much fuel on board.
| Dick Butler - Delta - Radio Operator
| 8/27/2007
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Lord and Master
A new US airline flight attendant was in England when she saw a British cargo airline crew at the airport. She noticed one of the crewmembers had two stripes on his sleeve. “What does that mean?” she asked.
“I’m the lodermaster” the gentleman said with a rich British accent.
Not completely understanding the cockney, the flight attendant said “Gee, back in the US we call them Captain, not Lord and Master.”
| Darrell Weslander - UPS - 727,747 Captain
| 8/28/2006
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Marching and Not Flying
I thought I had joined the Air Force to fly airplanes. But there I was in Officer Training School (OTS) at Lackland Air Force Base, San Antonio TX, in July. It was the hottest day of the 20th century I was certain. Our squadron was out on the drill pad learning to march and to salute. Sweat rolled down my cheeks. I was not a quick study on all this “military bearing” stuff. After all, I was two years older than most of my colleagues and had no military background and little natural military bearing. We had to stand at attention, staring straight ahead and not moving a muscle for long periods of time. The heat index had to be something over 115. A stray jet airplane flew overhead. I looked up.
“Five demerits, OT Weslander, for eyeballing”. Eyeballing is looking around and not having the proper bearing. I was humiliated. Here I was wearing the Air Force 1505 light brown uniform, having signed the better part of my life away to Uncle Sam, on the drill pad at an Air Force Base and couldn’t even look skyward to see one our fighters fly over. “This is a chicken outfit,” I thought without moving at all. Nevertheless, somehow I graduated, got my commission as a lieutenant and subsequently finished Air Force flight school.
Now fast-forward about 18 years. I was copilot on the classic B 727 for Braniff Airlines. My flying line for this month (probably July) was Kansas City, San Antonio, Mexico City layover and return the next day. It was my leg from MEX to SAT. ATC gave us vectors farther to the west on our arrival to San Antonio. I banked the plane smartly to the right to line up for a long straight in. What was that below? Lack land AFB and lo and behold there was the drill pad. What was that? The drill pad and there were many Air Force trainees standing at attention on a hot summer’s day. But now I am the one flying over the troops and I wonder, “Are any of them going to get yelled at by the drill instructor for eyeballing?” I hoped not.
| Darrell Weslander - UPS - 727,747 Captain
| 8/28/2006
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59 Dials
A kid, 4-5, and his father got on. The real outgoing little kid asked if could visit the cockpit. The Flight Attendant brought him up. The kid says “How ya doin” looks around and says: “Look at all those round dials. There must be 59 of them.” He then asked some typical little kid questions – What does this and that do. He asked why there were two control wheels. The Captain said: “Sometimes I fly and sometimes he flies.” The kid says: “What - do you get tired?” Then he says: “See ya” and returns to his seat. PBI-PHL with a lot of time to kill, and I got curious and decided to count the dials. It came up to 59. I couldn’t believe it. So the Captain and I both counted. Sure enough – 59. I stood in the door to talk to his Dad as they left. I was sure the kid had been up visiting before and somebody had told him how many dials there were. Much to my amazement, his Dad said it was the first time his kid had been up front – Go figure.
| Kevin Lyons - USAirways - B-737-300 First Officer - Mid 2000's
| 12/19/2005
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The Cat and The Mouse
This story is about the cat and the mouse that flew from PHX to ATL, with a connection in CLT, on USair. I was working mail xfer in CLT when another agent came to me and insisted that I take a look at this kennel with a cat in it. He asked me to look in the kennel and tell him if I noticed something strange about the cat. I looked into the kennel and told him that I noticed nothing stranged about the cat, just that he was sleeping. The agent asked me to look again. I did and this time I looked at that cat sleeping for 5 minutes and still nothing strange about the cat. The agent confessed that he thought that he had seen a mouse in the kennel with the cat and that the cat was very content with the mouse there with him. As time drew near to take the cat to the aircraft bound for ATL, I decided to recheck the kennel for the mouse. I peeked into the kennel at the cat in time to see this little head pop out from between the cats chin and leg as the cat was still sleeping. The mouse crawled up the cats' shoulder, then onto the cats' head. The cat just laid there. I said to myself, "I've got to get that mouse out of that kennel!" As I touched the latch on the kennel to open the door, the cat, without any warning, swung both claws at the door, and I knew at that point that it was best to just act like "I just didn't see a thing", if you know what I mean. I took the cat to the ATL flight. I never received a call from ATL. I guess somewhere between CLT and ATL, the mouse, became an inflight meal.
| Randy Matthews - us airways - B-737 Agent - Early 90's
| 12/8/2005
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